Thursday, 20 February 2014

Clean Living Housemate


I lived with a pig

And hoped one day

To live

With a clean living housemate

A wish

I’d eventually live to regret

Even more of a curse

All his habits were worse

And his standards were frankly a ball-ache

Cleaning bins in the bath

Shushing each dirty laugh

Swipes a sponge under each lifted tea cup

At the first sign of tears

A Dyson appears

And I’m crying whilst lifting my feet up

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Love Poem - Office Pervert


If she walks past

One more time

I may have to barf all over

If only to prevent myself from hollering

Goddammit

Across the office

You are so fit

please

have sex with me

NOW

 

God

It’s painful

How perfect she is

It stings

My eyes

To look at her

My heart aches

My balls yearn

For my ego

To kick into gear

And get my cock some action

Then we’ll ALL be happy

 

Work interrupted

As always

she walks through

My back straightens

To see over the office divider things

to catch a few extra seconds of ass.

I worry

At times

That some may have cottoned on

To the correlation

Between her half-hourly appearances

And the sporadic improvement of my posture.

 

When I know no one’s looking

I’ll stare

And take it all in.

In all its glory

I’d tell you about her eyes

But I’m leering at her mouth

I’d describe

But her cheekbones

God

Her back

When she arches

To stretch at the copier

Her neck

When her hair’s up

Her ribs

Her tits when she bends

Her hips

Her waist when she tends

To lean for more paper

Inspires

a swelling

that causes a tightening

of the trouser.

 

If only she knew

What was lurking beneath

When I offer a smile

Of the friendliest order

To mask all the sordid

Thoughts of the sort

Of filth and disorder

That ought to be more than the physical.

 

A pristine face

Of immaculate make-up.

I hope

One day

I will ruin it.