Youngest Son

I am the youngest son of three
Rob is the oldest
Mick occupies the middle

Growing up
I would rue my lot in life as youngest sibling
Lowest wages (pocket money, or ‘spends’ as we used to call it)
Last to be able to do anything
Last to be able to go anywhere
Rob you go, Jim, stay there
Mick, you’re alright, go with Rob
Jim, stay there.
Hand-me-down clothes
I didn’t like that top when Rob owned it
Let alone after Mick stretched it.
Perished elastic
Worn out logo

As youngest
I was blamed for EVERYTHING
Yes mother
I DID pull that curtain off its hooks
But you don’t KNOW I did
Prove I did
Always assumed it was me
Even when it was.

Living up to the family name
Family reputation
College
Oh, you’re a Coyle boy are you?
We’ve got a good one here.
Loved your brothers
Very bright
Great lads.
Good lads.
Sure you’ll be the same.
Go on to great things.

Let’s hope so.

Now
With older eyes
I realise my luck.
Such less pressure
Rob
The vanguard
Trailblazing a path for his younger brothers
Oh, you’re a Coyle boy are you?
Great lads
Yes
I don’t even need to try
Rob’s done all the hard work
People just assume I’m great on the back of his doing.
With Mick cementing the idea in their minds.

Two older brothers for protection
Looking out for me
Giving me a disappointed shake of the head
Should I act in a way they deem morally questionable
But still with amused countenance
As if they secretly admire my cheek.

Two layers of protection.
I wonder if Mick feels as secure as me
Only one older brother
And the need to look out for a younger
Look at Rob there
Out on the top
Exposed
No older brother
An impressive job he’s doing
Not sure I’d fancy it
Huge pressure
What if something happened to me?
Or Mick?
I imagined he’d question himself
Could I have done more?
I’m supposed to be protecting them
I’ve not done my job.

Should something happened to them
I hope I’d think in the same way
But I fear hints of the selfish may arise
Realisation of sudden exposure
Protection gone
I’m out on my own here
Isolated
No armour
Show us what you’ve got Jim
Not a lot?
A lot?
Who knows?

It’s good here on the bottom rung
Safe